woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize