this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
