Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
