Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
