hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
