i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize