Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
