she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
