Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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