My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
