Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Four minutes until I can fart!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
