You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize