i think my tv is drunk
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
