Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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