why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
