I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
