She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
