he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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