New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
