My first STD was from a foam party
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
