i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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