We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
