The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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