well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
