Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
