6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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