South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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