I want to walk on stilts...naked
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
