They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
