never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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