Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize