what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
