Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
