the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize