if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
