Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
