I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
