They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
