Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
