I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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