Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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