She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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