Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
