1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You were trust falling into bushes
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize