I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize