If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
