I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
