Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Four minutes until I can fart!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
