yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
