Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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