i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We left the knife in your bed.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
