there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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