You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
