I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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