My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
