Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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