it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It was like getting head from an anaconda
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
