i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
