it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
