Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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