How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
