btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
