why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize