So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
