it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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