I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
PANTIES FOUND
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
