I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
