i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
