Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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