i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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