Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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