I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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