The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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