dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
His nipple licking is glorious
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