I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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